Awakening
by Mike Taurguss
Summary: GTAS9 The reincarnated Xena, unaware of her previous life, is about to turn fifteen. As her birthday approaches, she is plagued by dreams and nightmares that seem hauntingly familiar.
1. Forward

**A/N: **Before I begin this 9th installment in my solo Gabrielle stories, I need to offer a personal thanks to an "Evil But Friendly Rival" for the idea of dealing with the reincarnated Xena as a young woman coming of age.

This story takes place fifteen years after David comes back from the future to save Gabrielle. In that time, Xena has grown up never truly remembering who she was in her previous life.

All that is about to change…

**Awakenings **

**Forward**

Lay back and dream of me,

Red Death to set you free.

We turn the screw to make you die.

Soft flesh and razor blades,

Golgotha, Ace of Spades.

Still hero's twist your pretty eyes.

All mine, all mine,

Black night, moon shine.

All mine, all mine,

Nightmare, the Dream Time.

Black terror stalks the night,

Claws to clutch and fangs to bite,

The dark and faceless crawling fear.

Despair, you can't resist,

Now feel the lizards kiss.

The reptile hissing in your ear.

All mine, all mine,

Black night, moon shine.

All mine, all mine,

Nightmare, the Dream Time.

Dead voices speak through me,

Of things that should not be.

The Prince of Wounds, the Lord of Flies.

Evil lives within ourselves,

We need nobody else.

We tell ourselves the best of lies.

All mine, all mine,

Black night, moon shine.

All mine, all mine,

Nightmare, the Dream Time,

Nightmare, the Dream Time…

"Nightmare, the Dream Time" by Motorhead – From the album "1916"

_Something slammed into the earth nearby, causing dust to fall from the ceiling of the temple. The air was thick with it, making it hard for her to breathe without coughing._

_Lying before her, on the stone altar was her mother, covered in blood from several wounds, the worst of which was in her upper chest, just above the heart. Her hands worked with automatic ease as she stitched that injury closed and placed a compress over it. Then her mother convulsed once. _

_All around her, in the temple, people were moving for the exits. Xena noted that most of them were injured in some way or another. Only the most severely wounded were being left behind, along with numerous volunteers from the temple. The smell of blood and other human debris filled the air, like a charnel house. A balding elderly man in the robes of a High Priest stood before the statue of his god and cried in dismay._

"_My temple!"_

_She froze, feeling the uncertainty rising within her. Her mother convulsed again, and then again. Her movement became a frenzied, disjointed series of desperate motions, as if her mind had lost the ability to control her own actions. _

_An older, heavy set man standing opposite tried to help her hold her mother down. He was a grizzled man in a tattered uniform, his one arm in a sling, the other pressing her mother back down on the altar._

"_What's happening?" he asked in alarm._

"_I don't know!" She answered in rising panic._

_Suddenly, her mother gave one final inhalation that came out in a death rattle. Her body arched off the slab and fell back upon it, completely still._

_Behind the grim faced soldier was a young man in what were once the white robes of an acolyte. The fine fabric of his clothing was covered in stains; most of them dried blood by the color. _

_Beyond him, in the dusty background, she saw dozens of people all lying here and there upon crude stretchers or other stone beds. All of them were wounded. Only a few of them moved. Immediately, she knew she was in some form of hospice, though she didn't know where. The entire scene was frighteningly familiar, but she couldn't understand why._

_The young priest looked down at her mother and his gaze softened sympathetically._

"_She's dead," he said quietly._

"No!" Xena sat upright in her bed, her body covered in cold sweat and her heart pounding within her chest as if it were going to explode. Her eyes darted about the darkened space around her. She was in her room, in her home. Outside the window, she could hear the sounds of the night animals singing down by the small pond. Her window was filling with pale light, signifying the coming of dawn. She let her heart slow back to something more normal and rose, still trembling a little. Her night shirt was soaked, and the breeze coming in through the window sent a chill through her body. She quickly shed the damp garment and pulled another one from her dresser, feeling the cool fabric slide over her skin. That felt better.

Tying her long black hair back shed tip toed across the hall and peered into her brothers room. She saw the familiar mop of dirty blonde hair sticking out above the edge of the blankets, and she heard Alexander's soft breathing.

She closed the door again and padded into the kitchen and got a cup of water. She drank silently, the images of the dream playing out in her head. She shuddered again at the memory. It seemed so real.

She sipped at the water and could almost taste the dust that had saturated the air of the place. She cold actually feel the dried blood on her fingers. She couldn't understand where the nightmare had come from? She had never, in her life, seen more than a fist fight between a couple of the boys in town? Never been in a Healing House, let alone one so, what, chaotic?

She refilled her cup and walked quietly back towards her room, pausing outside the door to her parents bedroom.

Without really knowing why, she opened the door and peeked in. A soft breath of relief came from her lips as she saw her parents lying in sleep, her mother comfortably resting her head on father's shoulder. His one arm wrapped protectively about her, just like he used to do with Xena when she had been younger.

A part of her wanted to climb into bed with them, like she had done when she was still a kid.

As appealing as that thought had been, she pushed it aside. She was fourteen years old, going on fifteen. She shouldn't be climbing into bed with her parents just because she had a bad dream. That was ridiculous!

At least they were alright, she thought, and she smiled as she watched them sleeping. Her mom was so lucky to have a man like her dad. She closed the door and headed back to her room. Somewhere in the back of her mind, the nightmare lingered.

Xena lay back down on the bed and tried to relax. Her eyes scanned the ceiling above without seeing it as she tried to make sense of the dream. Eventually, she drifted back into an uneasy sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Lost Heaven**

My lost Heaven!  
Has been turned upside down  
Dead and buried,  
Is the joy which I once found.

My lost Heaven!  
I sought refuge down below,  
Ain't no ocean,  
I wouldn't cross or where I wouldn't go.

As I walk this world  
Time unknown,  
Got one foot in the grave,  
Lord, help me make it home.

I'll carry your pain,  
My words be straight and true…  
If it leads me to you.

My lost heaven,  
As long as the body dreams  
Strength through blood,  
I feel the fire burn in my veins

Dead and buried,  
For the end has run its course.  
Dogs of War,  
Try never to be lost

As I walk this world  
Time unknown,  
Got one foot in the grave,  
Lord, help me make it home.

I'll carry your pain,  
My word be straight and true…  
If it leads me to you.

As I walk this world  
Time unknown,  
Got one foot in the grave,  
Lord, help me make it home.

I'll carry your pain,  
My word be straight and true…  
If it leads me to you.

Zakk Wylde and the Black Label Society, from the album, "1919 Eternal"

Xena walked heavily into the kitchen as her mom finished preparing the morning meal.

"Well," Gabrielle said with a smile. "Nice of you to finally join us?"

"Morning," Xena said thickly. She plopped down on a chair and rested her head in her hands.

"Are you alright?" Gabrielle asked. "You're not sick are you?"

Xena shook her head without raising it.

"What's wrong?" Gabrielle asked, sitting down next to her.

Xena raised her head and brushed her long black hair out of her eyes. Gabrielle immediately saw the bloodshot weariness in them.

"Honey?" she asked.

"I'm fine, mom," Xena said. "Really. I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Why not?" Gabrielle stared at her daughter intently.

Xena merely shrugged. It had just been a stupid nightmare, after all.

"Where's dad and Alex?" she asked quickly, hoping to change the subject.

Gabrielle looked at Xena for a few more seconds, causing the young lady to squirm a little under the scrutiny.

Satisfied that her daughter was alright, she stood up and began warming up some leftover food.

"Dad's working in the barn on one of his projects, and Alex is busy with his chores." Gabrielle said. "Don't go anywhere. You've got studying to do today, remember?"

Xena winced. "Why do I have to learn all that stuff? It's not like I'll ever use it?"

Gabrielle smiled wistfully. "You'd be amazed what you might need as you get older."

She set the warmed plate of food before her and then a cup of juice.

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?" Gabrielle pressed one more time.

Xena's pale blue eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "Jeez mom, it was only a bad dream."

Gabrielle looked at her closely, seeing a combination of her own blood and her best friend all rolled into this slender, strong, package. She could see her best friend whenever she looked in her daughters eyes.

At fourteen, Xena was already as tall as her mom, and looked to get much taller. Just like she had been before.

Gabrielle sighed. "Well, if you change your mind?"

"I know, mom," Xena replied, her fork rearranging the food on her plate. "I know."

Xena stared at the food for a while longer, feeling guilty about not eating. Unfortunately, with the images of her nightmare still fresh in her mind, her appetite was quite taken away.

She forced herself to eat a couple of bites and then pushed the food away. "I'm sorry. I'm just not hungry."

She got up and headed for the door.

"Remember," Gabrielle called after her. "Your father has a few things to go over with you today. Don't go too far."

Xena winced. "I know. Those old books of his. I'm just going to see what he's doing, maybe give him a hand?"

"Okay," Gabrielle replied.

Gabrielle watched her depart and took a deep breath. There were so many similarities between this young woman and her best friend that, sometimes, she forgot that the young woman walking out the front door was actually her daughter.

Even though Xena was physically similar in many ways. Inside, she was a child with no memories of her past life. That much had become obvious as they had watched her growing up. There were moments when she said or did things that were hauntingly familiar to Gabrielle, but she was a child - their child.

David and Gabrielle had both agreed that they would say nothing of Xena's past life unless she discovered it for herself.

In the back of her mind, a part of Gabrielle wanted the old Xena to reawaken in that young frame. At the same time, she dreaded it, knowing that she would lose a daughter by regaining her best friend. The duality of the situation was like slow torture for her.

Xena walked slowly across the yard towards the old barn, her mind still trying to understand the images from her nightmare. It didn't frighten her that she had the dream, but it disturbed her greatly. The image of her mother convulsing on the slab flashed before her eyes again and she shuddered.

She walked into the barn and found her father's workshop empty. The pieces of furniture he was working on waiting patiently for him to return. She studied the craftsmanship with a sense of family pride. As she moved about, her eyes fell on a long, slightly curved and varnished piece of wood leaning in a corner. It was a little over three feet long, and crafted in the shape of a sword. Her father called it a bow kin. A practice weapon. She noted that it was crafted to resemble the finely made eastern sword that hung over the fireplace.

Without knowing why, she stepped over and picked it up, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one saw her.

She held it in her hand and moved closer to the door, feeling the gentle weight of the object in her hand. Again, something in her clicked. Holding this thing felt so familiar to her, but she couldn't understand why?

She swung the bow kin in a slow arc, watching the edge as it sliced gently through the air.

The movement seemed to captivate her as she moved. She passed absently out into the yard and swung the weapon again, this time across her body and back again in a fluid, deliberate motion. A smile played upon her lips as she moved, completely enthralled.

All of her recent weariness seemed to evaporate as she watched the weapon slice this way and that through the air around her. She imagined holding the real thing in her hands, feeling the cool ivory of the handle and seeing the sunlight flashing on the silver steel of the blade. The polished wood caught the light, though not as brightly, but she could still imagine it.

She continued swinging the weapon in various arcs, reveling in how easily it came to her. She switched hands in mid spin, only to discover that she was as good with it in her left hand.

The speed and complexity of the moves increased as the weapon seemed to take on a life of its own. A smile began playing across her face as she began moving, slowly at first, turning this way and that to ward off imaginary foes. She could almost see the shadowy figures surrounding her. The outside world became a blur as the bow kin continued spinning this way and that, sunlight sparkled hypnotically in her eyes as the blade whizzed past her field of vision.

In a movement almost too quick to believe, she spun low, came up with a sideways slash.

_The world had changed in that moment. Smoke drifted across a desolate field strewn with bodies and covered in blood. A figure stood before her, in front of a blasted and smoldering gate, his weapon raised to strike. Her weapon slashed neatly through the leather armor at his middle, laying open his belly in a gout of blood. The innards of the man seemed to explode from within the body as he fell back wards, nearly sliced in two._

_The blood rushed up to cover her in a red wave._

With a cry of fear, Xena let the weapon fall to the ground, her heart pounding in her chest. She was back in her yard, standing before the open doors of the barn, the weapon lying at her feet where she had dropped it. The horror of that last moment twisted violently within her belly. Quickly, she ran around to the side of the barn and leaned against the rough planks.

The vomit rushed up suddenly, spewing onto the ground at her feet. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the gruesome image out of her mind, but the gorge rose in her again and she choked on the bile as it vacated her belly.

A hand came to rest on her back, strong and gentle. She spun around in fright, only to see her father standing before her. His face held an expression of concern.

"Hey you?" he said softly. "Are you sick?"

Xena wrapped her arms about the man's waist and hugged him desperately.

"Dad!" she sobbed.

David wrapped his arms about his daughter and held her gently, whispering soothing sounds in her ear.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asked gently.

He led Xena back into the barn, taking up his bow kin on the way and setting it back in the corner.

Xena sank into an unfinished chair while David knelt before her, looking up in her eyes.

"I was messing around with it," Xena confessed, the emotion rising like a wave in her. "Just playing around, and suddenly, I wasn't here anymore! I swung it at this man and he just – and the blood – and all these people were dying!" She broke down into sobs again.

David held her close again, feeling his daughter's desperate fingers through his tunic.

"It's okay, baby," David whispered in her ear. "It's okay. It wasn't real."

"But it was!" Xena protested, looking at him desperately. "I know it was! It was a real place! He was a real person and I killed him!"

"Stop it now," David said gently. "Come on." He smiled up at her, his hand resting on her cheek. "Look around. You're here, at home. Everything's fine. There's no war going on here."

Xena sniffled as she looked at him.

"Well, besides you and your brother, anyway," David finished with a smile.

A soft laugh escaped from her lips and she looked down. "Dad, it was so real!"

"Well," David suggested. "You know that I can see things, right?"

Xena nodded.

"And when I do some of my magic, I can make things appear and disappear sometimes, right?"

"Those are just tricks," Xena replied.

"Yeah," David smiled. "Well, not all of them are tricks."

Xena looked at him questioningly.

"Maybe a little of my magic rubbed off on you?" David suggested.

"Have you ever seen anything like that before?" Xena asked.

David nodded. "Sometimes, yes."

David looked at her for a long time. "Remember how I always told you that I come from someplace far away?"

Xena nodded.

"And that I also came back from a distant future?"

"I remember," Xena nodded. "It's where your books and some of the other things you have came from. Things that no one else has."

"That's right," David nodded. He studied her face for a moment and smiled. "You wanna go down by the pond and talk?"

Before, she hadn't wanted to talk about the dreams, but now, after this waking episode, she felt that maybe she should. She looked up at the man before her and nodded.

"This isn't going to get you out of studying, you know?" David added with a smile.

Xena winced. "I know."

As they made the way towards the pond, Xena's brother, Alexander, came around the building, a pail in his hand.

"Hey!" he called out. "Where are you going?"

"I need to talk to your sister for a bit!" David replied. "Just do what you can, okay?"

Not entirely pleased at being left to complete his tasks alone, Alexander nodded and disappeared into the barn.

"And you'll have to take the afternoon shift, milking the cows too," David added, looking down at his daughter. "You're really racking them up today?"

Normally, the attempt at levity would have brought a sarcastic smile to Xena's face, or in the least, an equally sarcastic reply. When silence was the only response, David looked down at his daughter and frowned.

"Man," he said. "You must have a lot on your mind?"

They reached the pond, and Xena sat down next to the small fire pit, her eyes looking at the ashes with eyes turned inward.

David sat back against the tree and waited.

"Dad?" Xena finally asked. Her blue eyes looked up at him with a haunted light. "Has mom ever been hurt in a fight?"

David shrugged. He picked up several small stones at his feet and began turning them in his hand absently. "Of course. We've both had our share of bumps and scrapes over the years, before and after you were born. As well as the trouble she had when your brother was born."

"No," Xena interjected. "I mean really hurt. You know? Like, almost dead, hurt?"

David thought for a moment. "Well, she got pretty bad, just before we got married," he offered. "She ran a long way and got too dehydrated."

"I don't mean like that either," Xena sighed. "This is so stupid!"

"Xena, baby," David asked gently. "I don't understand what you're looking for?"

Xena fidgeted uncomfortably, reluctant to air her private thoughts. Still, she needed answers.

"I've been having these dreams," she started. "They feel so real, and still, they aren't."

"Like what?" David asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

Xena shrugged. "Like, I'm riding this horse. A big horse, tan with a white mane and tail. A mare, I think?" She thought for a moment. "I don't know her name, but she was always there."

"Okay," David nodded. "That doesn't sound so bad? You've wanted a horse for a long time?"

"No," Xena said emphatically. "This horse is, or was, real! It was real, dad!"

"Okay," David nodded. "What else?"

Xena shuddered. "Ice."

"Ice?"

Xena nodded. "I wake up, and I'm surrounded by ice. I have to smash my way out of it. I can feel the cold all around me?" She thought furiously. "It's like, I don't know, like I'm in a coffin, or something? And then there's the one with mom, last night."

"What about that one?" David asked.

Xena described the most recent dream in as much detail as she could recall, right up to the part where her mother's death rattle.

David listened, his face calm and passive in spite of the whirling in his head. Of course, he knew about the time that Gabrielle had died briefly in the Temple of Isclipius. Gabrielle had told him that story many years ago. In a panic, Xena had inadvertently jump started Gabrielle's heart and brought her back to life.

David looked at his daughter and nodded. "I can see where that would be scary?"

"Dad," Xena moaned. "I saw mom die! She died! Or maybe she's going to die?" Xena looked at him for a long moment. "Maybe I'm seeing the future?"

"I don't think you're seeing the future, baby," David consoled her.

"How do you know?" Xena asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I'll explain in a minute," David replied, buying precious time to collect his thoughts. "What else?"

Xena thought for a moment. "I've had one about you."

"Oh?"

Xena nodded. "I'm in a little camp, just me and the horse I told you about?"

"The mare," David nodded.

"I hear someone walking towards the campfire, so I duck into the brush and move around, coming up behind the person. Then I see him step into the light. He's got these two big packs strapped on his back, okay?"

"I'm with you," David nodded.

"I sneak up behind him and, I have a sword, so I point it at his back, right?" Xena went on. "He turns around and, it's you? Only not you, you know what I mean?"

"Not really?" David asked.

"Well," Xena replied, trying to frame her words. "It was like, you, but you were a lot younger?"

David smiled. "Well, I wasn't always in my forties, you know?"

Xena smiled back, but only for a moment. "You say some things, I say some things, then – I think you mentioned mom – and I get really angry. Then I do something, like, I jab you in the neck, and you freeze up, like you can't move?" She shrugged. "Then I see blood come out of your nose, and I know you're dying!"

"What happens then?" David asked.

"I don't know," Xena replied. "As soon as I realize I just killed you, I wake up?"

"But did you?" David asked, sensing a way to answer her without really answering.

"Of course I did!" Xena replied.

"Think about it," David replied. "You always wake up before the end. You don't know how the story turns out, really?"

"Dad!" Xena protested. "This is real! I know it is!"

"Okay, okay," David held up his hands. "Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that these dreams are real, in some way, fair enough?"

Xena nodded.

"Now," David continued. "You said you jabbed me in the neck and killed me, right?"

Again, Xena nodded.

"But you also said that I was a young man in that dream, right?"

"Right," Xena said.

"Well, then you obviously didn't kill me, did you?" David finished with a fatherly smile. "Because here I sit, a crotchety old geezer, talking with a daughter, I wouldn't have, if you had killed me before you were born, right?"

Xena was about to reply when the logic of the paradox settled in and she laughed in relief.

"You're right," she agreed.

"Now," David said quickly. "I'm not saying that your dreams aren't true in some way, okay?"

"You're not?" Xena asked.

David shook his head. "Dreams are the minds way of dealing with life. Sometimes they can show us things that aren't true, but are at the same time, only in different ways, understand?"

Xena frowned. "No."

"What you see in your dreams can mean other things," David explained. "You see me, or your mom, and we represent something inside you, or close to you. If one of us is hurt, then something inside you is hurting. If one of us is trapped, then something inside you might be trying to get out and express itself."

"I think I get it," Xena replied.

"Good," David smiled and stood up. He looked out at the pond and then tossed the rocks in. "Then let's get going. You've got math to do."

Xena groaned and rose, looking out at the pond.

She froze suddenly. Her eyes were riveted to the spots where the water rippled outward in several concentric circles. She seemed transfixed by the motion. A voice seemed to come from somewhere nearby.

"_The rock's still down there, it's part of the lake. On the surface, it may look the same, but it's forever changed."_

Xena blinked. "Huh? What?" she looked back at her father.

"I said," David repeated. "The textbook is calling, let's go?"

Xena caught up with him and he wrapped his arm about her shoulder. "Tell me something?" he asked, smiling. "How did I look as a young man?"

"Dad," Xena moaned, smiling in return.

"Was I dashing and debonair?" David continued. "Handsome and strong, with rugged good looks?"

Xena giggled and jabbed and elbow playfully into his ribs.

"How about your mom?" David continued. "Did she look like a young little punk? All cute and cuddly?"

"Will you stop!" Xena laughed, feeling relief flooding over her. "I'm going to tell her you said that!"

As Gabrielle came out of the house, she saw her husband running full speed with Xena in hot pursuit. She smiled when she saw the expressions on both their faces.

"Not bad for an old man, huh?" David shouted behind him as he ran. Xena came flying up behind him. Then with a sudden, youthful burst of speed, she shot past him, and easily vaulted the fence.

David tried to mimic her move and caught his left toe on the bottom rail. With a cry, he went down with a thud and rolled across the yard.

Xena slid to as top and gasped at the same time as Gabrielle, momentarily wondering if David had hurt himself.

They both burst out laughing when they heard his chuckle. He rolled over and sat up, covered in grass.

David brushed the grass out of his graying hair and sat, still laughing.

"Who raised that fence?" he asked in mock anger.

"Are you okay?" Xena asked, laughing.

With a groan, David got back to his feet and brushed off the grass covering his clothing.

"He called you a punk," Xena said to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle's eyebrows rose slightly. "Oh, really?"

David shrugged as Xena darted into the house.

"She left out the part where I called you cute and cuddly," he added, smiling.

"I see," Gabrielle nodded, smiling. "Good save, David." Then her expression changed to one of concern. "You sure you're okay?"

David nodded. "I'm fine. Just a little out of shape, I suppose."

After lunch, the two children retired to the living room, to begin their studies. In a small village like Poditia, there was very little available in the way of education. Most of the children were school by their parents, which made David a rather unique individual.

David's classical education in his own time had afforded him a luxury that only the wealthiest of families could grant. As a result, his two children were receiving the benefits of that education. While Alexander and Xena didn't relish the idea of so much time spent on academics, they understood that they were getting a lot more than most others in the village.

As it was, Xena was already quite fluent in Latin and French, and verse with mathematics and history. Alexander, too, was also academically well rounded compared to his peers.

As Xena was working through her assignment, her eyes kept drifting up to the weapons hanging above the hearth. Her eyes followed the gentle curve of the sheathed sword and she suppressed a shudder as she remembered her episode in the yard that morning.

Beneath the sword were her mother's weapons. The two sais, crossed and mounted on a wood plaque that her father had made, and on either side of them, the two, wicked looking curved knives. Her eyes fixed on those for a long time, as if they stirred something within her.

A gentle tap on her shoulder brought her out of her reverie.

"Hi," David said quietly. He looked up at the weapons and then back at his daughter. He tapped her gently on the side of the head.

"You have to learn how to use this," he said, indicating her mind. "Then you learn how to use those."

"Yes, sir," Xena said sullenly.

David looked over her work and pointed out a few corrections, and then he went over to Alexander and did the same thing.

After that, he left them to work and went into the kitchen.

His light mood vanished once Xena was no longer in sight. He looked at Gabrielle.

"We might have a problem," he said quietly.

Gabrielle frowned. "What kind?"

"Her nightmares," David cast a worried look towards the front room. "They aren't nightmares at all."

"They aren't?" Gabrielle asked.

David stepped close and put his hands on her shoulders. "I think they're memories?"

Gabrielle's eyes widened slightly. "How do you know?"

"Because of the way she describes them," David replied. "She described Argo to the nines, and she also described the night Xena put the pinch on me, when I was on my way back." His eyes flicked back to the open entrance and he continued. "You and I, dinner down by the pond tonight?"

Gabrielle nodded. "In the mean time?"

David looked back towards the children. "I want to try something, once they're done with the schoolwork."

"What do you have in mind?" Gabrielle asked.

"Just watch from the kitchen window," David replied. "And you can tell me what you think."

"Do you think we should tell her?" Gabrielle asked.

"Not yet," David replied. "I know we promised that we would tell her when the time was right, but I don't think we're there just yet. We're close, but not yet."

The work was done, sitting forgotten on the writing board that rested on her lap. Her eyes were again fixed on the weapons hanging over the hearth. The two knives seemed to stare at her, like a pair of menacing eyes, on either side of her mother's sais.

"Excuse me?"

David's voice snapped her from her trance and she blinked.

"You really want to learn, huh?" David asked, looking at her inquisitively.

Xena looked back at the weapons and then nodded.

David pursed his lips and finally gave a nod. "Very well. Come with me, young Jedi."

Xena set the writing board and parchment on the seat and ran after her father.

He emerged from the barn with two of the bow kins in his hand. Tossing one to his daughter he stood in front of her, his weapon swinging in relaxed circles as he loosened up his muscles.

"Okay," he said with a smile. "Just some of the basics."

Gabrielle hovered at the kitchen window as David took Xena through some basic footwork and sword movements.

"Okay?" David said after some time. "Got it?"

"I think so?" Xena replied nervously.

"Okay, we'll go slow." He raised his weapon. He moved in and called out parry numbers at the same time, allowing Xena to block his deliberate and slow attacks.

One, four, five, eight," David said sharply as Xena parried.

"Good," David encouraged her. "Try again. Two, six, twelve, move your feet, now. Don't stand still."

Xena frowned in concentration as she tried to absorb the information. In the back of her mind, something screamed. It was as if a part of her was trying to get to the surface after being underwater for too long.

"You're doing fine, honey," David encouraged her. "A little faster this time, alright?"

She nodded. David stepped in quickly and she managed to block most of his attacks, except for one that struck her shoulder with stinging authority.

A rage boiled up in her so quickly that she was almost overwhelmed by it. Her vision flashed red for an instant as she looked at her father.

David saw the subtle shift in his daughter. He felt the aura around her beginning to change.

"Here it comes," he thought to himself.

To Xena, he said. "Okay, now you come at me. Just do the best you can."

Xena came at him, still unsure. She swung with deliberation. David blocked and countered her attacks easily, smiling as he watched his daughters frustration began to build.

Xena didn't expect to do very well against her father. His reputation as a swordsman was well known in the village. Still, she could feel her temper flaring as she tried over and over to get through his defense.

In the back of her mind she could feel something trying to come out. It was like a persistent voice that kept begging. "Let me! Let me!"

Finally, her father slipped in and swept her feet out from under her. She landed on her back, and the flaring temper suddenly exploded.

Her eyes blazed like blue fire, and she kipped back up to her feet. It was a move that her parents had never seen before. With a cry of rage, she attacked, and this time, there was a speed and fluidity in her movements of someone experienced in combat.

From her concealed vantage point in the kitchen, Gabrielle felt her heart race as she saw this transformation occur. Suddenly, she saw her old friend again. Every move, every expression, even the sudden cry that issued from her lips as she charged in.

"By the Gods," she whispered in awe.

If David had not been planning for this possibility, he might have been in trouble. As it was, he changed tactics easily, and counter attacked with the same speed, ferocity, and precision as his daughter.

The wooden weapons slapped against each other in rapid succession as David danced easily back. The main difference between David and his daughter was that he was fighting a controlled, defensive fight. There was never any intention of him actually hurting her.

Xena, on the other hand, was not letting herself be bound by such considerations. Her weapon spun in her hands and slashed in again and again, or thrust with lightning speed.

Then the two weapons slammed into one another with such force that they both snapped just above the handles.

The snapping of the weapons seemed to also snap Xena out of wherever she had been. She looked down at the two weapons in shock. When she looked back up at her father, her eyes were haunted.

David breathed deeply as he looked at her, also in surprise.

"Dad?" she asked in a frightened voice. "What's going on with me?"

"Well," David offered. "You're a lot stronger than you look, that's for sure. Either that, or I need to get better wood?"

"Stop that!" Xena cried out at him angrily. "I could have hurt you!"

"Xena," David began.

Xena, with tears streaming down her cheeks, fled back into the house.

"Baby!" David called after her. Then he looked over at the window and saw Gabrielle standing there, a haunted expression of her own on her face. David and Gabrielle had a silent conference in those looks, and David nodded in understanding.

Xena lay on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest and crying. She was frightened. More frightened by recent events than by anything else in her life. She heard the knock on the door frame.

"Go away," she moaned.

"I can't," Gabrielle replied gently. "I'm your mother. That means that I have to do things like this."

"I don't want to talk about it!" Xena cried out. "Just leave me alone!"

"You don't need to talk, honey," Gabrielle replied. "You just need to listen."

Gabrielle moved around Xena and sat down in front of her. The young lady looked up at her with bloodshot, pale blue eyes. Gabrielle saw the tear streaks on her cheeks and gently wiped them away with her finger.

"This morning, you asked me if I had ever been hurt," Gabrielle began. "Your father told me about your dream, with me in the temple and dying in front of you?"

Xena winced at the betrayal.

"You're dream really did happen," Gabrielle said simply. "A long time ago, when I was not much older than you are now."

"It was true?" Xena asked, the betrayal instantly forgotten. "All of it?"

"If what your dad described to me is accurate, yes," Gabrielle said. "There's just one thing you got wrong."

"What?" Xena asked.

"You didn't see me die," Gabrielle smiled. "Well, actually, you did see me die."

Xena's eyes widened and she almost cried out again in fear.

"But!" Gabrielle held up a hand to stop her. "You never saw what happened after, did you?"

Xena shook her head.

"The person you were dreaming about," Gabriele explained. "The one that you saw everything through – your namesake – saved my life that day. She brought me back."

"Your best friend?" Xena asked.

Gabrielle nodded. "I think you've been dreaming about my life with her," Gabrielle offered. "The horse in your dreams? That was Argo, Xena's horse."

Xena's eyes were wide as certain things began to click into place. Then they went back to that haunted expression.

"But why am I dreaming about things that you did with Xena, back when you were a kid?"

Gabrielle shrugged. "I don't know, honey." She was surprised how easily that little falsehood came out. "I know that those were moments that brought Xena and I closer together. They're things that I remember. Maybe your dad is right, and you can see things like that? If you could, this would be about the time you would start to see them. You're at the right age?"

"What about out in the yard just now?" Xena persisted. "I've never used a weapon in my life, and still, I could have hurt dad, even though I know we were just playing around."

Time for another white lie. Gabrielle shrugged again and smiled. "I don't mean to burst your bubble, honey," she said. "But I don't think you could have hurt your father, even if you wanted to. I doubt if you're that good."

"Gee, thanks," Xena sulked.

"You know what I mean," Gabrielle smiled. She looked at her daughter for a few moments more. "Is there anything else?"

"No," Xena said, though it sounded far from convincing.

Gabrielle nodded and rose, heading for the door.

"Mom?" Xena asked suddenly. Gabrielle turned and looked at her, seated on the bed, the pillow still held to her chest. She raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Xena took a deep breath. "Who was Solan?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Beyond the Doors of the Dark**

Listen to me, Children of the Night.  
Beyond the Doors of Darkness, you will find,  
A thousand worlds for you to see.  
Take my hand and follow me.

Beyond the Doors of the Dark.  
Demons in your heart.  
Screaming, thrash your head,  
Turn around, now you're dead.

Under the darkened haze,  
Your eyes dim and glazed.  
Are you looking to be free?

A never ending suicide,  
Of nightmares you have inside.

Another day's begun,  
Under the moon and sun.  
Circle has been drawn  
Life has been prolonged.

Hell is eternity.  
Hell is your destiny.  
I tell you to die.

A never ending suicide,  
Of nightmares you have inside.

Beyond the Doors of the Dark.

It's time to meet your fate.  
Heaven can wait.  
All the walls are closing in.  
Things crawl on your skin.

He's glaring down at you.  
There's nothing you can do.  
No place to run and hide.

A never ending suicide,  
Of nightmares you have inside.

He wants to take your soul.  
Even while your dreaming cold.  
Your precious little life,  
Under my knife!

Hell is eternity.  
Hell is your destiny.  
I tell you to die.

A never ending suicide,  
Of nightmares you have inside.

Beyond the Doors of the Dark…

Written by Jon Oliva  
Performed by Savatage, from the album "The Hall of The Mountain King"

David looked at his wife as she paced near the edge of the pond, her arms wrapped about herself in frustration.

"So?" David asked. "What did you say?"

"I didn't know what to say!" Gabrielle replied in a tight voice. "I just got stuck, and I said the first thing that came to mind!"

"Which was?" David pressed.

"I didn't know," Gabrielle paused at the edge of the water and sighed. "We promised never to lie to our children, and yet, in less than five minutes, I lied to our daughter three times!"

"Well," David shrugged thoughtfully. "If a lie of omission is still a lie, then I've done my share today as well."

Gabrielle looked at David with a pleading expression in her green eyes.

"Honey," David said, reading the message in that haunted gaze. "We both know who she is and was. But that doesn't mean that she knows, or that she's ready to know?"

"But who are we to deny her the person that she was?" Gabrielle asked.

"That's easy," David replied calmly. "We're her parents, regardless of who she was in the past. She is still our daughter and it is our responsibility to protect her until she's old enough to do it for herself."  
"But if she remembers who she was?" Gabrielle offered. "Then that means she would already know everything she would need to be on her own? Wouldn't she?"

David smiled. "I know where you're going with this, honey," he shook his head. "But I won't buy it. Even if she had complete recall tomorrow, that doesn't mean that her body is in the right state of development to handle it, or that she won't have trouble processing everything if it wakes up all at once?"

Gabrielle resumed her pacing, her eyes fixed on the ground at her feet.

"Think of it this way," David offered. "Remember the first time you took a ride on Rosie?"

Gabrielle nodded.

"Okay, moving that far, that fast was a shock to you, wasn't it?" David continued.

Again, Gabrielle nodded as she remembered that cold October night when she stumbled onto the middle of the road in his time.

"Yeah," David also nodded. "And then you got a real fast ride with Bullitt, remember?"

Again, Gabrielle nodded. "How can I forget?"

"Well," David continued. "Right now, Xena's riding on Rosie. Knowing what you know, would you put her on Bullitt?"

Gabrielle looked down at her husband and smiled. She seated herself next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I really hate it when you make sense," she confessed.

"Well," David smiled back. "That doesn't mean she won't go ballistic on us by herself, you know?"

"And what happens if she does?" Gabrielle asked. "What do we do?"

"We do what we've always done," David replied easily. "We improvise."

Xena lay in a fitful sleep. Her fingers grasping at the pillow with white knuckled intensity. In spite of her reservations, she had taken her mothers words to heart. Gabrielle had said that she had awakened before finding out everything that had happened. Now, in the world of dreams, she was forcing herself to stay and watch.

The cavern was enormous and cold. Moisture dripped from unseen crevices, lost in the deeper shadows.

Once again, she stood on a rise and saw her mother below, dressed in black robes, more akin to diaphanous wings than actual clothing. Her face was the color of bleached bone, and her nails were long, sharp and black. Standing before her was a demon with deep crimson skin, black hair that was more like fur, and two massive horns curling over his ears, like the horns of a ram. He laughed aloud showing rows of sharp, pointed teeth. His voice boomed through the vast cavern.

_"Drink and be one of us!"_

He handed a large silver chalice down to her mother.

Then, Xena struck, dropping from her hiding place into the midst of the gathered shadows with a cry of rage. She battled her way through the snapping and frothing women, all seeking to latch onto her and drink her blood.

Somewhere in that blur of movement, she ended up fleeing back to the relative safety of her perch, only to have several of the creatures fly up after her. One of them was her mother.

She saw the pleading in Gabrielle's eyes, and finally relented, feeling her mother reach around her shoulder and neck. Gabrielle jerked her head back.

"Everything must turn out alright," she thought to herself. "Because they're here, with me, now."

Suddenly, she felt the palpable sting as her mothers' fanged teeth punctured the flesh of her throat. From below, the red demon roared with laughter…

Xena cried out in fear and sat up in the bed, tears in her eyes, mixing with the sweat that plastered her hair and clothes to her skin.

Her gaze drifted to the mirror on her dresser and she looked at the face within the reflection. Young, and terrified, the face that stared back at her was not her own.

She beheld an older woman with the same luxurious black hair, same pale blue eyes. But the face that stared back at her was smiling with a mixture of contempt and amusement.

In a fright, Xena bolted from the bed and through the door.

"Mom!" she cried in desperation.

She passed through the door and entered a long, dark tunnel. Shadows seemed to melt into view at the edges of her vision, only to fade as she turned to see them directly. Tufts of smoke or vapor hung like dismembered curtains, brushing against her with icy tendrils.

She turned around, only dimly understanding that she had not actually awakened from this nightmare.

Laughter sounded all around her. A single voice, hauntingly familiar and still, filled with malice.

"Who's there?" she challenged. Her voice sounded thin and weak in this hellish place.

Again the laughter cackled nearby. "Don't you know?"

Xena took several deep breaths and tried to muster her courage.

"I know this isn't real!" she managed to yell. Just saying those words gave her courage and some of her trembling subsided.

"Oh no, my darling," that hauntingly familiar voice replied. "This is as real as it gets."

"Show yourself!" Xena challenged.

A single specter seemed to materialize as a darker shade among the shadows. The outline of a warrior woman, standing just beyond the edge of perception. Its hands were on its hips as if preparing to scold her.

"Who are you?" Xena asked, feeling the fury begin to well up in her, now that she had a target for it.

"Don't you know?" The shadow replied mockingly. The figure stepped forward into the pale blue illumination that served to light this ethereal place.

When Xena saw the face, her mouth dropped open in horror. It was the same woman from the reflection, tall and proud, dressed in leather armor, with a sword at her back and a circular object hanging on a hook at her hip.

The apparition smiled coldly and stared at her with black, bottomless eyes that seemed to glow with evil delight.

Xena took a few nervous steps back away from this thing.

The woman's face took on a hurt expression.

"Don't you recognize me?" she cooed and then the hurt vanished into a malicious grin. "I'm you."

Once again, Xena sat up in a fright, a scream dying on her lips, and that evil cackle ringing in her ears.

Gabrielle's eyes snapped open. She lay as she always did, nestled up against David, with his arm wrapped protectively about her shoulders. She could hear the slow and steady beat of his heart and the soft sound of his breathing as he slept.

She wasn't sure why she had awakened. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Beyond the open window, she could see the stars shimmering in the night sky. The sounds of the night creatures drifted in from outside with their soft blend of music. The air was damp with the promise of rain.

Then she heard the soft popping of burning wood. Frowning, she gently extricated herself from her husband, smiling as he grumbled gently in his sleep. She padded to the hall and looked out the door, only to see the warm orange glow of a rekindled fire in the hearth.

Gabrielle stepped into the living room and found Xena seated in front of the hearth, her weary eyes locked on the dancing flames.

"Hey you?" Gabrielle said softly. The young girl started at the sound of her voice.

"Hi, Mom," Xena said in a tired voice.

"What are you doing up?" Gabrielle asked. "It's late."

Xena gave a little shrug and went back to staring at the fire.

Gabrielle settled on the couch and studied Xena for a moment. "You had another one, didn't you?"

Xena closed her eyes and nodded.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Xena took a deep breath and looked at her mom. There was a haunted fear in her pale blue eyes. She took another deep breath, and then the whole thing came out.

Gabrielle listened patiently, watching Xena's face as she spoke.

When her daughter finally finished recounting her dream, Gabrielle was silent for a long time.

"Mom?" Xena asked. "Is it true? Is what that other person in my dream said, true?"

"Maybe," Gabrielle replied. "In some ways?"

"But mom," Xena continued. "I've never hurt anyone in my life! I don't ever want to! Not like that! I don't want to scare people like that!"

"Xena," Gabrielle explained. "The Xena I knew, was never like that. She started out that way, yes, but in the end, she more than made up for anything that she did in the past."

Xena frowned.

"That doesn't mean she never fought again," Gabrielle continued. "Quite the opposite. We ended up fighting all the time, sometimes with each other."

Gabrielle smiled as she remembered.

"But this image was so, so, dark?" Xena asked. "She seemed evil. It was like she wanted all those bad things to happen again?"

Gabrielle smiled softly. She was about to reply when they both heard a subtle creak in the floor boards.

"Hi there," David said softly, standing near the hallway.

"I didn't think that I woke you?" Gabrielle offered. David merely shrugged.

"When you have someone sleeping in your arms for fifteen years, you tend to notice when they're gone," David shrugged. "I can leave you two alone, if you like?"

"No," Xena said quickly. "It's okay."

"You sure?" David offered. If Xena wanted time with just his mother, he wasn't about to stand in the way of that. Sometimes there were things that only women could discuss with other women.

Xena nodded and Gabrielle smiled. Her daughter was such a tom boy in so many ways. As David had so often bragged in the past, she was "his girl".

David seated himself next to Gabrielle and smiled. "Okay? What's up?"

Xena quickly summarized her latest nightmare and then looked at the two of them. Her eyes turned to Gabrielle. "Is it true?" she asked again.

When her mother hesitated, David merely gestured for her to speak her peace.

"Yes, I suppose," she finally admitted.

"But how?" Xena asked, her eyes wide. "I've never done anything like that? I don't even like thinking about it?"

"Baby," David said slowly. "You have to understand something. Every person alive is born with the capacity to do great things, or terrible things. We all have gifts that are given to us when we're born. It's what we choose to do with them that matters, not if we have them. You understand?"

"So, you're saying I did do all those things?" Xena asked.

"I'm saying that there is the potential for you to do some of those things," David explained patiently. "That's where we come in. Your mother and I can show you what we think the right thing is. We can teach you to respect the world around you and all the people in it. But you make the final decision on how you use those gifts given to you, or not?"

"I need to tell you something," Gabrielle said suddenly. David saw the guilt on her face and immediately knew what she was going to say.

"The other day," Gabrielle said after a deep breath. "You asked me about Solan."

Xena looked at her mother expectantly.

"I lied to you," Gabrielle confessed.

"I know," Xena nodded.

That statement caught them both by surprise. Xena only smiled her version of David's knowing smile.

"Neither one of you can relax when you're talking to me about something you don't want to," Xena said. She looked at her mother. "You can't look me in the eye and dad fidgets with things," She looked at David. "Like the rocks down by the pond?"

David sighed. "Guilty as charged."

In point of fact, Xena hadn't really known it. But something in her mind had made her suspect for a long time. Now, hearing the confirmation that the two most important people in her life had been deceiving her for who knew how long, awakened the fire inside her, and her gaze grew cold.

"So," she said in an eerily familiar tone, laced with ice. "Who was Solan?"

Gabrielle opened her mouth to speak, but David held up a hand, forestalling her.

"If we go here," he said seriously. "You won't like everything you hear. I want you to understand this. There's no going back, once this is out."

There was something so earnest in her father's tone and posture that Xena felt a lump of dread forming in her belly.

"I need to know, Dad," she said finally. "I feel like I'm going crazy! None of these dreams make sense, but they do at the same time?"

David nodded and looked at Gabrielle. "You want to go first, or should I?"

Gabrielle nodded and looked at her daughter.

"Xena," she said carefully. "I - ," she stopped when the words wouldn't form. She knew what she had to say, she just couldn't make her mind work.

"Before your mom got pregnant with you," David said, trying to jump start the conversation. "We were in Egypt. We went there for our honeymoon, but things took a turn, as they tended to do with us back then, and we wound up in the middle of a bunch of stuff. The details aren't a big deal, but in the end, we ended up learning something that was very important."

"The fact of the matter is, when we got back, your mom was pregnant with you," David said. Xena could see the nervousness in his eyes and heard it in his voice. "There were a couple of other little things that happened before you were born, but the bottom line is, we didn't choose to have you as a child." He looked at his daughter intently and smiled. "You chose us, to be your parents."

Xena shook her head. "This doesn't answer my question, Dad." She said impatiently.

"He was your son," Gabrielle said in a mute voice. "Solan was your son."

Xena's eyes widened in a mixture of shock and disbelief. "What?"

"A long time ago," Gabrielle said. "Solan was your son."

"That's so crazy!" Xena blurted out. Her rant ceased when she saw the look in her mother's eyes. "What happened to him?"

"He died," Gabrielle replied after a long moment.

The pain in Gabrielle's face was so real that it seemed to fill the room, dimming the light from the fire, and casting everything into a deeper shadow.

Xena felt her fingers wrap around the arm of the chair. "How did he die?" she asked.

"That part isn't important," David offered. "It was over forty years ago, honey?"  
"How!" Xena hissed, barely containing the explosion, for fear of waking her brother.

"He was murdered," Gabrielle confessed. "Your older sister killed him."

Xena's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Gabrielle winced as if the memory reopened an old and fatal wound. Though David and she had told Xena about all of their adventures, they had never mentioned Britannia, or Dahok, or Hope. Now, that whole chapter was about to be exposed.

Xena listened with growing horror as the tale unfolded. The whole time, Gabrielle had a pained expression on her face, especially when she recounted the forced joining between her and this ancient God.

While she had never used the term, David saw the violation as nothing short of a rape. A rape that had begot the most heartless creatures he had ever heard about. The fact that this particular creature was dead was of little consolation at the moment; since the revelation of her deeds was awakening a fire in their daughter that he was certain would not burn itself out in a simple discussion. At any moment, David was certain that the violence he had beheld earlier would return and focus on his wife. A knock down, drag out brawl with his own flesh and blood was not something he was looking forward to, but he was anticipating it.

Xena, to her credit, waited until the entire story had been told. Her eyes narrowed with wrath and she felt her nails digging into the arms of the chair.

"How could you not tell me?" she hissed. "Everything you told me about your friend," she spat the word. "Was more than just a story? It was my past! How could you keep all that from me?"

"What were we supposed to do?" David asked evenly. "Tell you all of this when you were four or five years old and completely screw with your mind?"

"You should have told me!" Xena said vehemently. "You had no right to keep this from me! No right!"

Now it was David's turn to dial up the volume. "We had every right, young lady!" he countered. "Whoever you were in the past, we are your parents here and now! We always planned on telling all of this to you, when we thought you were ready to handle it!"

"And when would that have been, huh?" Xena asked. "Or were you hoping I wouldn't have these flashes of memory? Wouldn't know these things, ever!"

"With everything the two of you went through in your life together?" David replied. "If you never remembered, that would have been fine with us too! The bottom line is this: Gabrielle loved you as her best friend and loves you more as her child, and I love you too. We would do anything to protect you! Now, I'm not saying we did everything right! We screwed up more than our fair share of times, but children don't come with an instruction manual!"

Gabrielle suddenly stood and ran into the bedroom, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Xena watched her go, unsympathetic.

She turned and looked at her father, his dark eyes looking back at her evenly. In spite of his equally ferocious gaze, she could see the pain behind his eyes as well. There was something else there as well. Something that she had never seen in her father. Fear.

She looked at him in disgust and bolted out the door into the night.

"Xena!" David called after her. She ran full speed and vanished into the shadows beyond the barn before David had made it half way across the yard.

David came to a stop behind the barn and hopelessly tried to pierce the night, looking for any sign of his daughter, but Xena had vanished into the shadows and was gone.

"That does it," David said bitterly as he turned back towards the house to get his lantern. "Starting tomorrow, I'm getting my ragged ass back in shape."

When he came back into the house, he saw Gabrielle standing at the doorway to the living room. Her hands were clenched over her heart and tearstains covered her cheeks.

"She bolted," David sighed as he pulled the old chemical lantern from the wooden storage crate that doubled as a small table. He shook the lantern a few times and pressed the switch. Brilliant light glowed from within the thing and he nodded in satisfaction. Then he stepped past her and changed into some more rugged clothing.

"Where would she have gone?" Gabrielle asked anxiously.

"Right now?" David replied as he went into his daughter's room and grabbed some spare clothing for her as well. He shoved that into his bag and then took his sword down from the wall. "She's just running. Once she burns that out of her system, I think she'll stay close to the village?"

"But you don't know for sure?" Gabrielle replied.

David paused at the door and took a deep breath. "No, I don't."

He looked at his wife and saw the terror in her eyes.

"Don't worry," he said. "I'll find her. I promise."

He closed the shutters on the back of the lantern, better to focus all the light forward and headed out across the field.

Her trail there needed little skill to follow. The tall grass was trampled in a long furrow, pointing in a straight line towards the nearby woods.

Once it got there, however, the trail became more difficult to track. David held the lantern close to the ground, his eyes scanning the earth as he moved. Here and there he saw the impression of a bare foot, or a broken branch.

"Xena!" he called at the top of his lungs. He walked for what seemed hours, constantly calling her name, with no success.

Then, somewhere in the distance, he heard a terrified shriek. Every parent knows the sound of their own child. At that sound, David threw away any pretense at caution and ran full speed toward the sound. He moved with a fluidity and speed that he hadn't experienced in years. Branches reached out of the darkness to impede him, but he ducked beneath or leapt over them until his foot snagged on an upturned root and he went flying forward into a narrow gully. He rolled over several times before striking the rocky bottom. There was an audible snap and pain shot through his right leg. He cried out in shock.

When he turned himself over, the pain shot through his body again, like hot fire and he groaned, looking down at his leg. The limb was bent at an odd angle, just beneath the knee. Broken.

"Ah, shit," he moaned. "Slick Dave. Real, real slick!"

He looked up at the narrow sides and groaned again. Even without the break, it would have been a hard climb out. With one leg busted, there was no way.

"And the 'Klutz of the Month' award goes to the moronic fatherlying crippled in a fraggin gully!" He cursed.

>>

The branches snapped and grabbed at her clothing and her flesh as she ran, but she didn't feel them. Her vision was blurred from the tears in her eyes as she ran. Visions flashed behind her eyes. She felt a sudden pain in her wrist as she saw a man in old roman armor bring a mallet down onto the nail poised above her flesh. She cried out in pain. The snow bit into her skin as she lay there. She stumbled against a large tree and bounced tot eh ground as another, larger mallet crashed into her legs, just below the knees. Memory and reality seemed to blend in all around her.

Her legs gave out and she dropped face first into the mud, thinking that her legs were broken for real. Her eyes glanced up at the trees looming above her. She felt sure that they were moving in upon her, reaching down with huge, gnarled claws, hoping to rend her flesh.

Again, her mind conjured an image of a massive walking creature, much like a tree, its maw opened to consume her, the clawed, fingers scraping the earth as it approached.

Xena screamed a full throated scream of terror and scrambled to her feet, spraying mud as she ran for her life. Behind her, she heard a voice crying her name, far in the distance. In the furthest corner of her mind, she recognized it as her father's voice, but that part of her psyche was so buried beneath the terror, that she couldn't even recognize it.

She scrambled up a hill, into the deepening gloom and crested a small, jagged hill, looking down over a small, shallow valley. Without waiting, she continued down into the shadows of that place and vanished into the night. The horrors of her past life followed relentlessly, accompanied by the cackling laugh of a ghost that Xena knew she never wanted to be again.

Something large and dark opened up off to one side and she veered into it, not caring what beast may be lurking within. The rough stones cut at the soles of her feet. Suddenly, something snagged her ankle and she pitched forward into the darkness, struck her head on something hard and unyielding, saw white pain flash in her vision, and knew no more.

The soft wet sands of the beach shot beneath the chariot as it careened down the shore. Before her, she saw another chariot, the driver a thin, blonde haired woman, dressed in black leather. This one looking back at her with wild, insane delight as if she were goading Xena into pursuing her.

Xena's chariot caught up, and then the other one – Callisto. That had been her name– turned and the whip coiled out at her like a striking serpent.

It cracked above her head before returning, only to lash out at her again.

Xena pulled hard on the reigns and the two chariots collided, spilling both occupants out and sending them rolling down a sandy embankment.

Callisto skidded to a stop with a maniacal chuckle and turned back to face her. There was murder in her eyes.

Xena got into a crouch, ready to leap after her when she saw Callisto's feet sink into the sand.

Callisto saw this as well and her feral gaze turned into something more desperate as she sank further into the sand. Xena watched as her foe slid inevitably deeper and deeper, screaming and bellowing with desperate rage until, with a final choking cry, she vanished.

Xena's eyes popped open and she sat up on her elbows with a cry of fright.

"If you are going to be here," a soft wizened voice said from ahead of her. "Then please be quiet. I'm busy."

Looking deeper into the cave, she saw a single figure, hunched over a small, rickety writing desk. His long pale hair was grimy and unkempt, hiding his features from view. He sat on a rickety old stool and wore the tattered remains of what might have, at one time, been a fine tunic, or robe. His thin legs and feet were covered with the dirt of countless years, as were his thin, bony fingers.

Xena cautiously got to her feet, ignoring the pain of the small cuts on the soles. Her pale eyes watched this figure for any hint of treachery.

The figure merely stayed in place, his fingers holding an ancient quill in his hand. The nub moved effortlessly over the surface of a withered piece of parchment.

"Excuse me?' Xena asked. "Who are you?"

The figure didn't respond. It simply sighed and continued writing.

"Excuse me?" Xena persisted. "Sir?" She stepped a bit closer, into the light, and noticed for the first time that her night shirt was tattered in many places, barely covering her body any more. She was covered in grime and mud, much like the figure before her. She held the tattered garment against her body, covering herself.

"Sir?" she repeated.

The man dipped the old quill into an empty ink well and resumed writing. Another determined sigh escaped his lips as he did so.

Xena frowned at the odd behavior. It was as if the man didn't realize that he wasn't leaving any message on the parchment.

"Sir?" she asked again nervously.

The man took a deep breath and set the quill down, his dark eyes looking up at her with annoyance.

"We both know that you don't exist," he said. "So go away. Pester someone else."

Xena saw the long white whiskers that framed his mouth and fell down, almost to the surface of the small desk, like wisps of cloud. She could see the line of an old scar on his cheek, mingled in with the wrinkles on his face. His dark eyes were filled with a calm, yet insane light.

He stared at her for a moment and then picked up his quill and resumed his impotent writing.

"What do you mean, I don't exist?" Xena pressed, stepping closer to the old man. "I am real!"

Again, the man set the quill down and fixed her with a dubious stare. His gaze changed slightly as if he suddenly recognized her for the first time. Then another sigh escaped him and he smiled again with wry amusement.

"So you say," the old man replied with a soft chuckle. "You say you exist. I say you are an apparition of my own insanity." When he spoke, his voice was thin and disjointed, as if he were just remembering how to use it. "A personification of my madness."

"You're mad?" Xena asked, edging back a few steps.

The old man smiled and nodded. "Completely, my dear, which is why I know that you do not exist."

"But I'm right here!" Xena replied. "How can you doubt that?"

"Everything can be doubted, my dear," the old man said, resigning himself to the conversation. "Especially an apparition, such as yourself. I know for a fact that you do not exist. You have not existed for nearly twenty years, Xena. Hence, you are no more than a figment of my deluded mind." His face broke into a toothless grin and he chuckled softly.

"How do you know my name?" Xena asked in shock.

"I know everything about you, my dear," the old man replied. "Just as you know everything about me?"

Xena caught her breath as she stared at the man before her. Something deep inside her told her that she did indeed know this person, though she couldn't figure out from where.

"I've never seen you before in my life," Xena protested. "And you don't know anything about me! How can you, if you say I don't exist?"

At those words, the old man looked at her with renewed interest. His eyes narrowed as he studied her and then a knowing smile crossed his lips and he turned back to his quill and parchment.

"Don't ignore me!" Xena said in sudden frustration. "I'm right here!"

"So you say!" the old man replied, not looking up at her. "And I say you have not yet arrived."

"What?" Xena was completely confused. "I'm right here!"

"Oh, very well," The old man set his quill down again and turned to look at her. "Since I seem to be more deluded than usual today. What do you want?"

"Who are you?" Xena asked again.

The man struggled to his feet, straightened up and looked at her knowingly. "You know?"

Xena stared at him for a long time, looking into his dark eyes. Suddenly a memory, unbidden, seemed to creep from somewhere deep in her mind and with it came a name.

Her eyes went wide in wonder. "Draco?"

The old man's toothless smile reappeared and he nodded once, chuckling. "See? Now you are one step closer. But you still haven't arrived. Not yet."


	4. Chapter 4

**Dead Meadow**

All alone at last.  
Years go by so fast.  
Twisted and insane  
The house you built, no longer the same

Once you're there,  
Once you're there,  
You can't come back.

Nothing left,  
Nothing grows,  
In the Dead Meadow.

Months keep going by,  
Live another day, then you die.  
Ghosts inside your head,  
We choose our paths, when all is done and said.

Once you're there,  
Once you're there,  
You can't come back.

Nothing left,  
Nothing grows,  
In the Dead Meadow.

Once you're there,  
Once you're there,  
You can't come back.

Nothing left,  
Nothing grows,  
In the Dead Meadow.

Written by Zakk Wylde  
Performed by Black Label Society, from the album "The Blessed Hellride".

Xena stared at the old man with a mixture of wonder and revulsion. If this was indeed the Draco she was suddenly recalling, he was a mere shadow of his former self, all twisted and broken by the passing of time.

"So?" Draco asked, his trembling hand rising as if to touch her face. He paused suddenly and let the withered fingers drop back down. "What are you doing here? If you truly are here?" Again, he chuckled softly, the mad light in his eyes flaring suddenly before dimming back again to something more lucid.

"I don't know," Xena replied. "I was running and I just – found you, I guess?"

"Ah," Draco nodded and resumed his seat on the old stool. "Why were you always running, I wonder?"

"What do you mean?" Xena asked as she accepted his offer of a seat on a nearby rock.

"You were always running, my dear," Draco said in fatherly fashion. "I just could never figure out from what?" His smile returned. "And then, one day, I finally understood."

"Understood what?" Xena asked.

"Everything!" Draco replied triumphantly.

"Oh," Xena nodded. Yes this poor old man was indeed, mad.

The old warlord stared at her for a moment, knowing that she was patronizing him. He sighed and picked up his quill and resumed writing, indicating that the conversation was apparently concluded.

"What are you doing here?" Xena asked, not wanting the conversation to end.

Draco paused in his scribbling and then set the quill down.

"What should a sane man do when surrounded by lunatics?"

"Get out," Xena answered automatically.

"Yes," Draco replied. "Or become a lunatic in his own right."

"Is that what happened to you?" Xena asked.

"Me?" Draco replied, smiling again. "Oh, no, Xena. That wasn't what finally drove me mad. Your friend was what drove me mad. My love for her, was the loose thread that slowly unraveled my sanity."

Xena frowned. "My friend?"

Draco chuckled under his breath. "Love is a terrible curse, if it is never requited, Xena. You, above all, should understand that?"

Xena was about to respond when he looked at her impatiently and sighed. "What do you want here?"

"I guess I'm looking for something?" Xena replied. "Answers?"

Draco laughed. "We all seek answers, Xena. Even when we don't really want them."

His eyes searched her face for a long time, and then he nodded and rose to his feet, shambling off into the shadows towards another chamber of the cave.

"Where are you going?" Xena asked.

Draco paused and half turned his head in her direction. "You seek answers? Perhaps I have some? Come."

There was a spark and then orange light filled the next chamber as Xena stepped forward.

Within this second, smaller chamber were racks of old wood, all holding the implements of war. They had been lovingly, or obsessively preserved and shone silver red in the torchlight. Swords, shields, spears, bows, knives, maces, war hammers, and various pieces of armor, all lovingly oiled and maintained.

"These are the only answers I have for you, Xena," Draco chuckled. "I saved them, because I know that somewhere in my life, there was a reason for this? There is a reason for everything – even madness."

"These were my answers," Draco turned away and left her. "Find your own."

"I guess I'm looking for the truth about who I am," Xena said softly. At that, Draco turned back to her and laughed bitterly.

"No you aren't," he said knowingly. "You're looking for confirmation that what you already know is true. There's a difference."

Xena stared at the weapons, all shimmering in the light. As if she were no longer in control of her own body, she began to move about the room, inspecting the equipment with a keen knowledge that she knew she did not possess.

With a glance back over her shoulder, to make certain that the old man was gone, she let the tattered night shirt fall to the ground and began strapping on clothing and equipment.

When she emerged again, a few minutes later, Draco was once again focused on writing with the dead quill, his eyes bent close to the table as he wrote.

Xena stood in the entrance, the orange light shimmering like red sunset behind her.

"Draco?" she said softly.

The old man looked up at her and a sigh of rapture escaped is lips as he smiled.

"There you are," he breathed. "Fresh out of Tartarus, and back in business."

She stood, dressed in a dark leather breastplate and platted skirt that hung down to the middle of her thighs. On her feet was a pair of sturdy leather boots, and thick bracers wrapped snugly about her forearms. At her hip hung a long, wicked looking curved sword and a circular shield rested against her back. Traceries of shimmering gold, or bronze decorated the exterior of the armor, in flowing patterns, accentuating her shape and shimmering inthe torchlight like fiery gold. On her right hand was an armored leather gauntlet.

Her expression was one of complete understanding and peace. For the first time in the past weeks, she felt comfortable. She felt good. She felt...normal.

That realization struck her as fascinating. Here she was, wearing the implements of war and carnage, and she felt at peace with herself. She smiled as she looked down at the shriveled old man before her.

Draco seemed taken back in time, and for a moment, his madness was replaced with fierce lucidity.

"Ah!" he laughed. "Now I know you of old!"

Xena looked down at him and felt pity in her heart for the poor wretch. At the same moment, she also remembered all the things that had happened to her in her current life, growing up in that house, with her parents. Feeling her father's arms around her in the night, when nightmares had threatened her. Hearing him laugh, or bellow, depending on what she and her brother had done. Seeing Gabrielle – her mother's – face, filled with joy, or anxiety.

Yes, she finally knew who she truly was.

"So?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "Who am I?"

Draco cackled aloud, clapping his hands with manic glee. His laugh degenerated into a hacking cough that told her he was near the end of his long days. When he looked at her, he did not see the young teen aged girl she was, he saw the woman.

"That's easy," he said, panting like a hungry dog. "I've been able to find that out over the years! You are Xena, the Warrior Princess of Amphipolis. Daughter of Cyanne and Ares, the God of War."

Xena seemed to consider that for a moment and she moved to toward the exit, then she turned back to face him. From the entrance, she could hear the calling voices of wolves echoing through the hills and the thunder of an approaching storm.

She smiled coldly and shook her head.

"You're wrong," she countered easily, watching Draco's expression melt into one of confusion. "I am Xena of Poditea, Daughter of Gabrielle and David."

"Gabrielle?" Draco repeated in a whisper, his eyes suddenly going wide. "No. Gabrielle is dead. She's been dead for a long, long time now. I'm just waiting to join her."

Xena's hand twitched above her right hip, as if expecting to find something there. "Sorry to disappoint, Draco," She said calmly. "My mom is alive and well. I'm surprised you didn't find out about that? Living so close to the farm and all?" She looked about him and her smile softened. "Then again, I don't think you've been out for a very long time?"

"She's alive?" Draco repeated, his eyes becoming bright again with a combination of hope and madness. "My Gabrielle?"

"My Mother," Xena corrected him.

Again, the wolves howled. Draco smiled at that. "Well, Xena. I suppose that you think I'll never see her again, hm? But you've forgotten something. If your child ran off into the woods on a stormy night, what would you do?"

Dread settled upon her like a suffocating shroud. When she heard the wolves this time, her blood ran chill.

"Mom!" she breathed and she ran for the exit.

"I'll see my Gabrielle a lot sooner than you think, Xena! You can't stop it now!" Draco's maniacal laughter followed her through the woods.

She heard the baying wolves in the distance and ran towards the sound, her mind filled with images of what she might find.

"I'm sorry!" she kept repeating as she ran.

David rolled over, though the movement caused him pain. When he looked up, his eyes met those of the large wolf standing at the top of the ditch, leering down at him hungrily.

"Oh, man," he said, reaching for his sword. "What is it with me?"

Lightning flashed overhead, and thick drops of rain began pelting him from above.

David looked up through the pouring rain at the beast standing above him. The wolf seemed to consider the sword in David's hand for a moment.

"Not as dumb as you look, are ya?" David said grimly. "Don't even try it, Benji. Not unless you brought a lot of friends!"

As he watched, six more heads peered down at him from above.

"Oh," David acknowledged. "You did bring a lot of friends."

The seven wolves looked down at him with hungry eyes. They snapped and growled, baring their teeth as if they were psyching themselves up for the assault.

The Alpha tensed, his ears flat against his skull, teeth dripping with saliva as he prepared to plunge down at him. David held his weapon out.

"Okay, Cujo," he growled back. "Bring it on!"

Suddenly, there was a terrified yelp from off to one side, and one of the other beasts vanished. Then all of them wheeled around and vanished in a cacophony of howls and barks. David heard the sounds of a vicious fight above him. The wolves growled and snapped, yammering madly until they finally ran off, yelping into the storm. Thunder rolled across the heavens. Rain and lightning blinded his sight.

David still held the sword up, his eyes blinking against the rain. In the flashes of lightning, he saw a figure materialize above him at the edge of the ditch, dressed in dark armor, with a curved sword in one hand and a shield on her other arm. She stood poised, almost like a beast herself, ready to spring down and finish him off.

"What the hell?" he muttered, blinking. "Who are you?"

The figure slung the shield across its back and sheathed the sword.

"Dad!" it cried.

David blinked in disbelief as the stranger scrambled down the ditch toward him.

"Dad!" it cried again. From the blinding rain, his daughter emerged, soaked through the skin, with her long dark hair hanging in draggled strings before her eyes.Her arms and weapons werecovered in blood that ran off her flesh in the downpour.

"Xena?" David replied in amazement. "What in the hell?"

She dropped in front of him and wrapped her arms about him in a desperate hug.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, hugging him desperately. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright, baby," David groaned, trying to ignore the pain in his leg.

When they parted, he looked her up and down and smiled. "Look at you, all gussied up and nowhere to go?"

Xena laughed in spite of the flood of emotions. She grabbed two long thick branches and began fashioning a splint for David's leg.

"So," David asked. "Where'd you find that get up?"

"I ran into a very old friend, sort of," Xena offered. She paused and stood up, pulling her father up with her andhooking his arm over her shoulders. "What do you think?"

David looked at her critically for a moment. The rain had caused the armor to soften enough for it to conform more to her shape. The outline of her figure was now more pronounced and a bit more provocative. He looked down at her boots and noted the bare skin of her thighs above the leather. "The skirt could be a bit longer." He finally said.

Xena frowned up at him. "Dad!"

David grimaced, though he tried to make it look like a smile. "What can I say? I'm your father. Besides, I know how seeing your mom in a skirt that high made me feel."

"Let's get back home," Xena said darkly. "Before you tell me more than I should know about you and mom."

"You really want to know?" David offered, trying to keep the tone light in spite of the pain. "It's going to be a long walk?"

"How about I just tell you everything that I've been doing, okay?" Xena offered, knowing that was what her father wanted anyway.

"Fair enough," David nodded. "I'll hobble and you jabber."

Gabrielle paced back and forth on the porch, her eyes scanning the darkness. She started with every bolt of lightning that shot across the sky, or every clap of thunder. Her hands rubbed at her shoulders as her eyes tried desperately to pierce the thick falling rain.

"David!" she cried out into the storm. "Xena!"

They had both been gone for hours, and the day was fast approaching, though the thick black clouds obscured the rising of the sun. As the pitch dark of night slowly gave way to the torrential gray of morning, she thought she spied two shapes moving slowly through the downpour towards her.

Her eyes went wide when she finally recognized them, half way across the yard. There was her husband, his leg bound by a splint. Holding him upright and assisting him across the yard towards their home was Xena, but not the Xena that had left mere hours before.

Gabrielle ran out into the storm and got up next to them, sliding underneath David's other arm.

"Mom!" Xena cried over the storm.

"Talk to me later!" Gabrielle replied angrily. "Let's get your father settled first!"

The break was set, her husband complaining from the relative comfort of his chair. There was only one thing left to do, but Gabrielle really wasn't up to it just yet.

She stood out on the porch watching the rain coming down and hearing it patter on the roof above. She closed her eyes and let her senses be absorbed by her surroundings. She smelled the scent of water in the air, heard the sound of the drumming on the roof above, and the splatter on the damp ground below.

Suddenly the wave of emotions crashed down upon her and she leaned against the railing and wept.

She felt the subtle shift in the floorboard beneath her feet, rather than heard the creak, and knew that her daughter was standing behind her. She turned, and there was her daughter, or was it her best friend? The entire prospect was more maddening than she had ever imagined. She turned away again.

"Mom?" Xena asked. She still wore the soaked armor, though she had left the implements of war in the house. Her hair hung in ragged strings around her face, and her eyes shone.

Gabrielle took a deep breath, composing herself, and turned back. She was surprised at how fast her anger flared up again.

"Why did you do that?" she blurted out. "You could have been killed out there tonight! Your father could have been killed!"

Xena could tell that her mother had been crying, in spite of her mildly waterlogged appearance. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Are you even still my daughter?" Gabrielle continued angrily. "Or is it all you in there now?"

At those words, she broke down again and sank to the floor.

Xena stood there, completely shocked by the question. Then she finally understood the whole reason why they had been holding back. It wasn't that they were afraid of what she might become. At least on her mother's side, she was afraid of losing her child – again.

"Mom," Xena said, but her own voice stuck in her throat as she tried to find a way to articulate what she was feeling. She knelt down in front of Gabrielle and put her hands on her mother's shoulders.

"Mom, look at me," she said. Gabrielle looked up at her and into her pale blue eyes. In the depths of those pale pools, she didn't see her best friend. Only shades of her best friend.

"I learned something tonight," Xena went on. "Something about who I am."

Gabrielle looked up at her.

"Someone said I was Xena of Amphipolis, daughter of Cyanne and Ares," Xena said, looking into her eyes.

Gabrielle winced as something suddenly gripped her heart, threatening to pull it from her chest.

"I told them they were wrong," Xena continued quickly. Gabrielle looked up at her, and Xena smiled. "They were wrong. I'm Xena of Poditea, daughter of Gabrielle and David, the two most important people in the world to me. _That's_ who I am. That's all I ever want to be."

Gabrielle reached up and pulled her daughter to her with an almost desperate strength.

"I love you, baby," Gabrielle sobbed. "I love you so much!"

They looked up suddenly when they perceived another person on the porch with them. Alexander stood there, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and looking at them curiously.

"The storm woke me up," he said, then he saw his big sister's outfit and he frowned.

"Where did that come from?"

Gabrielle and Xena both laughed suddenly, as if they had both been trapped beneath water and just came to the surface.

"Come here, brat!" Xena said playfully and she grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into their hug.

"Ugh!" Alexander protested. "You guys are all wet! Hey!"

From inside, David listened to the tussle going out on the front porch and smiled contentedly. Suddenly, the idea of being laid up for a few weeks didn't seem to matter much. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

Xena's eyes opened and she found herself in the dreamscape again, only this time, she was dressed in the equipment she had received from the elderly Draco. Smiling, she sheathed the weapon and adjusted the shield hanging at her back. Suddenly, this whole place seemed not to frighten her. She strolled casually through the misty tunnel, waiting.

She started slightly when that familiar, evil cackle echoed around her from the silence.

Taking a deep breath, she looked about her expectantly.

"Well," she said evenly. "You might as well show yourself?"

The dark image of her past life stepped into view, vacant orbs staring at her with amusement.

Xena looked at her, as if studying her. She felt her father's confidence, or arrogance, begin to assert itself and she smiled back. Suddenly, some of the more monotonous lessons in philosophy that she had been forced to learn made a world of sense.

She shook her head. "No. I meant the real you."

Dark Xena frowned. "This is the real me. And so, the real you."

Again, Xena shook her head. "You wish." An idea formed in her mind and she went with it. "You don't exist. Go pester someone else." She said, using the elderly hermits' words.

Dark Xena's frown deepened. "What do you mean, I don't exist? You can see me, standing before you! Of course I exist!"

Xena shook her head. "You existed, at one point," she said cooly. "But as far as I'm concerned, you don't really exist."

Dark Xena fumed. "How do you think you saved that pitiful excuse of a father last night?" she demanded. "It was me! I let you!"

Xena laughed. She actually laughed out loud at the thing. "Let me? Oh, come on! A heartless bitch like you would never have let me do that! You'd rather see me broken, kneeling over his remains than allow me to do anything constructive."

Dark Xena seemed to shake with fury. She drew her sword and stepped forward.

"Now, what are you going to do?' Xena asked, standing her ground. "Destroy me, and you destroy yourself. Not a very smart bluff, is it?"

Dark Xena stopped short in front of her, staring down at her with those dark, lifeless pits.

"Let me see the real you," Xena said trying to keep her calm. "The dark and the light. You can't have one without the other, we both know that."

Suddenly, Xena reached out and grasped the apparition's wrist.

"No!" Dark Xena cried out in dismay.

The entire dreamscape changed in a flash of white hot light, and Xena found herself in a vast green meadow. The sky overhead was a deep blue, touched here and there with wisps of cloud. The grass was soft under her feet and smelled of recent gentle rain.

She looked about and saw a small level patch nearby in the shape of a large circle, where the grass had been trimmed low to the earth. A small fire pit rested in the center, and three fallen logs sat at the outside of the pit. Seated on one of those logs, dressed in a flowing white or pale blue robe was a single, dark haired figure.

Xena adjusted the shield at her back again and walked forward, letting her hand come down to touch the hilt of her sword.

She stopped at the outer edge of the circle, behind the seated figure and waited.

"Hello," A soft, gentle voice said. The head turned and Xena saw the same face, but this time with her eyes. "You don't have to worry. Come on over here and sit down. We have a lot to discuss."

Xena stepped around the edge of the log and faced this new figure dubiously.

"Aunt Xena?" she asked.

The figure smiled warmly and nodded. "If you like."

Xena sat down opposite this latest specter and studied her for a long moment. "Aunt Xena", likewise, studied her right back.

"You're me," Xena said at last. "Aren't you?"

The other figure shrugged and smiled. "More like, you're me, Xena."

"See," Xena said, folding her hands in front of her, just like her father always did when in a deep conversation. "That might be a problem for us."

"How so?"

"I like who I am, this time around," Xena said. "I like having your Gabrielle as my mother. And having the dad I have?" She laughed softly.

"I can see where that has its moments."

"Exactly!" Xena agreed. "I've got more than most kids my age can ever hope for, and I'm not dumb enough to not see it, you know?"

"I understand."

"Besides," Xena continued. "Hasn't my mom been through enough already? I mean, come on! I know that my sister killed your son -"

"That's all in the past."

"That's my point," Xena said. "It's all in the past. I don't want to bring it all back to the present, just because I'm the new you!"

Xena thought for a moment. "At the same time, I don't want to lose the parts of you that I've come to understand. As much as some of it scares me, I like it! I like being in a position to help others, you know? If it wasn't for you, I couldn't have saved dad last night?"

"I think you're underestimating yourself, Xena." The specter replied. "What is it that you want of me?"

Xena thought for a moment, as if framing her words, while the specter of her former self watched with a touch of amusement at how this younger version sat, fingers tapping against one another, eyes locked, but focused inward, so unlike herself. Finally, her reincarnation looked up at her hopefully. "Is there enough room for both of us in here?" she asked, tapping a finger on her temple.

"Aunt Xena" smiled regretfully and shook her head. "I'm afraid not. That much knowledge would burn out your mind."

"What do you mean?" Xena asked.

"Because it wouldn't just be me," the other one replied. "It would be everything. Every lifetime, every moment, every experience. Basically, every me - or you, in this case.No one person could handle all that."

"Shit," Xena said.

"Aunt Xena" raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"It's something my dad says, whenever things don't go his way," Xena explained.

"I see a lot of him in you – in me, I suppose," the other replied with a smile. She considered for a moment. "I said that there's no way for everything that I was and everything that you will be to co-exist in this life."

Xena perked up at that. "But I don't necessarily need everything, do I?"

The other one shook her head.

"Okay!" Xena sat up. "Progress! How do we do this?"

"We can't," the other said slowly. "But you can."

"How?" Xena asked.

"Your mother has something that was passed down to her," the other said. "Something very special that belonged to us."

"Okay?" Xena asked.

"I think that will help you get what you're looking for," the other said evenly.

"What about you?" Xena asked. "What happens to you?"

The other smiled and laughed softly. "We'll both still be here, Xena. We are a part of you, and you are a part of us. That won't ever change. Maybe you'll dream a few things during your life. Maybe something will seem to jog your memory? Who knows how you'll perceive it? But I'll still be there, inside you."

"What about the other one?" Xena asked, suddenly nervous.

"Oh, she'll be there too." The other replied. "I learned a long time that she was the key to who I was. That still might be true for you, if this is the path you truly want to walk?"

"No other way, huh?" Xena asked hopefully.

The other shook her head. "Not unless you want to start from scratch?"

"I know I'm not that patient," Xena admitted.

"Then make her a part of you," Aunt Xena replied. "Just like I'm a part of you. You can't have one without the other?"

"Yeah," Xena sighed.

"Time for you to go now, Xena," Her other self said with a twinge of regret. "If you accomplish what you want, then we'll never see each other again, in this lifetime."

Xena rose and stood before her previous incarnation. Then, suddenly, she reached out and embraced the ghost tightly.

When they parted, tears stung Xena's eyes. She wiped them away and stepped back towards the edge of the circle. She looked back once, only to see the figure in robes rise, turn and raised a hand in farewell, then she seemed to fade from sight as the sunlight above increased to a brilliant white glow.

She was back in the darkness again, standing amidst the mists and shadows of her darker self, her hand still clutching the wrist of her other aspect in a vise like hold.

The black pits of her eyes were wide in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"Time to go, Auntie," Xena replied evenly. There was a burst of white light, and Xena sat up in bed, still wearing her armor. She could feel the darkness writhing within her, trying to rest control, but she managed to fight it back down somewhat. She got up and went into the living room.

Her mom lay on the couch, next to her dad, both sleeping blissfully.

Somewhere inside, her dark aspect cried out that she should dispose of them. Quickly and efficiently. A single thrust of her sword into each of them and they'd be gone before they knew what happened. Her hand strayed to the hilt of her sword. She fought the impulse back, her eyes wide with a mixture of revulsion and mania, then she looked above the hearth at the two daggers on either side of her mother's other weapons.

"You know what to do!" something cried to her. "You must destroy them to claim it! You must!"

She forced her legs to propel her to the hearth. Her hands, twitching, reached up to the two weapons. They seemed to hum in anticipation as she stretched out towards them. Her mind screamed in turmoil. She let a groan escape her lips.

Gabrielle's eyes snapped open and she saw her daughter reaching for the weapons.

"Xena!" she cried, but it was too late. Xena's fingers grasped the weapons and her entire body went suddenly rigid, as if electricity were flowing through her limbs. Her eyes shut in sudden pain as she yanked the weapons free of their mounts. They glowed white hot in her hands and she felt them pulling inexorably towards each other.

She saw the two halves as the two sides to her soul. The dark and the light, in balance, coming together to form a whole.

The two halves of the chakram met and Xena cried out in pain as the energy flowed over her and through her. Everything that she was seeking was there, at her fingertips. It flooded her mind like a wave, crashing upon a shore. She heard the howl of countless memories from lives past and future and then, blackness fell around her.

The next thing she knew, she heard a voice calling her name, as if from a great distance. When her eyes opened, the first thing she saw was her mother. She smiled, and the smile gave way to laughter.

"Are you alright?" Gabrielle asked. The concern was etched so deeply on her face that she looked as if she were in pain.

In her hand, the chakram lay, clutched tightly. She could still feel the power of the weapon tingling in her fingers.

"Mom?" she asked.

"What have you done?" Gabrielle asked nervously.

"I had to," Xena breathed as Gabrielle helped her sit upright. "Had to stop it."

"Stop what?" David asked, practically ready to vault out of the chair, despite his broken leg.

Xena sank heavily into the other chair, her eyes fell on the chakram in her hand and she smiled. "No more nightmares." She handed the weapon back to her mother and sighed, rubbing her temples. "I need a drink."

Gabrielle and David looked at each other in surprise and then back at their daughter.

"What would you like?" David laughed. "A martini?"

"Long Island, would be nice," Xena replied automatically. "Like the ones from Jerry's place."

"Long Island?" Gabrielle repeated.

"Jerry's?" David said at the same time. "What? Xena, what did you do?"

Xena continued to rub her head, trying to quell the sudden headache.

"I don't know," Xena replied. "I just – I took what I needed and let the rest go."

"The rest of what?" Gabrielle asked.

Xena looked up at her and grimaced. "Oh come on, mom. It's still me for crying out loud."

"Then how do you know about Jerry's place?" her father asked, leaning closer to her.

Xena looked up at him, confused. "I don't know? I just saw all these flashes of things and tried to hold on to all the stuff I needed. One of the things I saw – I saw a city. A huge city, with wide paved roads, and lights, and buildings that seemed to touch the sky?" Her eyes widened and she smiled suddenly. "And I saw you!"

"Me?" David laughed. "You saw me?"

Xena nodded. "But you were a lot younger."

"That again," David rolled his eyes.

"No", Xena said, her excitement building. "This was different! I was sitting in a corner booth or table with someone. The place was full of smoke, and the walls were pale, like maybe a light blue, if the lights were on. With dark wooden trim around the outer wall, and tables mounted in place. They had these high, straight backs. There was this guy – Jerry, I think – standing behind the bar. Real tall and skinny. The bar was made of real shiny wood, and there was this big mirror behind it, with shelves of different bottles on either side?"

David and Gabrielle exchanged surprised looks. She was describing the bar where they had both been in perfect detail. It was the place where David and the Zombie Squad had gathered during long summer nights, and where Gabrielle and the girls had gotten drawn into a fight.

"Wha-" David started, but Xena rambled on.

"You came in with a bunch of guys, all on your bikes! I remember cause the noise rattled the windows!" Xena continued. "You were all laughing and joking about someone or something burning down a booth?"

David sat back in shock. "Crazy Johnny's little flamethrower modification," he admitted. "He accidentally torched a concession stand the first time he fired it off."

His mind wandered back. "That was about a week before – " he looked at Gabrielle. "Before you wound up in the middle of the road!"

"I was there, dad!" Xena insisted.

David thought back through the years to the night they all went to the bar after the Midnight Tour. They were all laughing and drinking, lounging at their usual place near the end of the bar.

The memory seemed to play in his mind in slow motion as he turned and looked around the room, like he always did. A figure near the opposite corner caught his eye and he peered through the haze to see a woman, tall and beautiful, with long dark hair and pale blue eyes looking back at him. She was young, probably around twenty five, sipping on a tall drink and watching his little group with polite interest. She leaned forward and said something to the person across from her. That one leaned forward and he caught the shimmer of blonde hair and then her companion's deep green eyes also considered him for a moment. In retrospect, David immediately recognized them.

They sat together, in Jerry's place, of all places! Xena and Gabrielle, still together after nearly two millennia. His daughter - his wife – his future, and his past,staring at him with just a hint of silent wonder, or perhaps recognition.

He remembered that he had briefly considered going over to speak to them. He had never seen them there in the past, so they must have been new to the place. It was always polite to welcome newcomers to your home, after all. Point out potential trouble makers, like T Bone. Which people to be wary of, maybe invite them to join the group at the bar, but then a hand touched his shoulder, pulling him back into the conversation. They'd figure it out on their own. Everyone else did, in the end.He raised his glass in polite greeting, gave them a smile and a friendly nod, and turned away as they smiled in return.

David's eyes seemed to mist over as he looked at his wife and daughter, and he smiled. "Well, I'll be damned."

He took hold of Gabrielle's hand and drew him to her, then his daughter too, and held them in his arms.

END


End file.
